


Someone To Be Good For

by catemonsterq



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Darcy Lewis is the fandom bicycle and I love it, Darcyland (Marvel), Eventual Smut, F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-14 23:24:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14146902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catemonsterq/pseuds/catemonsterq
Summary: Hawkeye would never intentionally miss a shot, that’s completely out of the question. It’s just that since Loki there are some shots that he decides not to take; ones he knows he’d make if he tried, but if he doesn’t and he gets hit with a bullet...Well, it’s not as though anyone would miss him.Or, How Darcy becomes a Gym Person





	1. I’m a book that’s come unglued

**Author's Note:**

> Title and chapter names come from the 10 String Symphony song "Someone to be good for". Thanks to [craftingkatie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/craftingkatie) for introducing me to Darcy Land, encouragement, and beta-ing. Best of twins and best of women :) 
> 
>  
> 
> _I'm a book that's come unglued_  
>  _Don't mend the part that's worn_  
>  _I Don't need to be good_  
>  _If I give myself to you_  
>  _Don't mend a heart that's torn_  
>  _I don't need to be good I Just need someone to be good for_

Hawkeye would never intentionally miss a shot, that’s completely out of the question. It’s just that since Loki there are some shots that he decides not to take; ones he knows he’d make if he tried, but if he doesn’t and he gets hit with a bullet...Well, it’s not as though anyone would miss him. He knows that.

This time was too close, Clint can tell. Captain America threw his shield in the bullet’s way before it could reach him. There’s no time for the dejected feeling that threatens to overtake him so instead Clint takes aim and takes the bad guy out. It’s later after the battle has settled and the Avengers have all eaten that Cap corners him.

“Why’d you hold back, Barton?” he asks, blue eyes searching his.

Clint had hoped he didn’t notice and hadn’t come up with an excuse so he just shrugs and tries to walk off. Steve’s large hand on his shoulder spins him back around to face him, unwilling to let him get away.

“I don’t know,” Clint mutters, not willing to tell him the truth. That even though he's not exactly had an easy life, there was now a definitive Before and After period. Before Loki - not always smooth sailing, but he knew what he stood for and why he was fighting. After Loki, he couldn’t trust that anymore, not really, and where did that leave him? That he wasn’t sure he really wanted to keep trying to parse it out anymore. That he was tired.

Steve sighs and mutters, “Bullshit,” before making eye contact and speaking in a tone Clint knows leaves no room for argument. “The team needs you, Clint. Don’t make me step between you and a bullet again, I can’t afford to be worrying if you’re risking yourself in battle. None of us can.”

Guilt twists in his stomach and the dark voice in Clint’s thoughts begin whispering to him again. Clint nods in understanding and is grateful when Steve turns to leave the room, shoulders slumping down as he makes his way to his room in Avengers Tower.

~*~

There’s another battle soon, aliens this time, and as they’re gearing up Clint is telling himself he’ll take every shot he can, no excuses. Still, he pauses for a second too long and instead of burying an arrow in an alien throat he finds himself face to face with an oncoming grenade. Tony jumps on top of it and his suit absorbs the damage.

“I’m fine, really,” Tony says through the comm channel. Clint winces and tries to ignore the dark voice in the back of his head that’s berating him for hesitating. He covers Tony as the fight winds down and the look the man gives him when he finally takes off his Iron Man mask speaks volumes. Clint fucked up again. Clint used to be better than that. Clint isn’t worth the bow Tony made for him.

~*~

Two days after the battle Clint finds a note from Steve on his nightstand. _If you won’t talk to me, at least talk to Sam?_ There’s a phone number below that, for Sam he assumes.

Clint crumples the note and throws it away, certain that talking would help him but not quite sure he wants the help right now. He supposes it was too much to ask that Steve would leave him alone with this. He’s prepared to wallow in self-hatred for awhile when JARVIS alerts him that Coulson needs to speak with him in his office.

Clint makes his way into Coulson’s office and his face falls when Coulson asks him to close the door. “Steve talked to you, didn’t he?” Clint asks as he takes a seat opposite his handler.

Coulson nods before adding, “We review all of the battles. After Steve brought your most recent...hesitations to my attention I had all of our fights since Loki analyzed. You’ve been engaging in risk-taking behavior for months now. Frankly, I’m amazed you haven’t managed to injure yourself or another teammate. Yet.”

Clint stares at the floor, unsure of what to say. The dark voice that’s been running his thoughts for awhile whispers quietly. He’s the only Avenger without a super skill or who wasn’t born and bred to be a spy. He’s not good enough anymore. He’s going to lose any semblance of a family he had left.

“You understand, Agent Barton, why this is a problem?” Coulson continues and Clint looks up.

“Yes, sir,” he mumbles quietly. He’s sure the next sentences spoken will be his dismissal from the team, so he’s surprised when Coulson pushes a business card across the desk.

“You have an appointment with the SHIELD psychiatrist tomorrow. Dr. Jerkovic will evaluate you and will let me know if you are fit for duty.” When Coulson saw Clint’s face fall a little he added, “You’ll still be on the team, Clint. But if you’re not mentally prepared for battle it will be safer for everyone if you stay behind.”

“Yes, sir,” Clint responds again, unsure of how to feel about what could possibly be a suspension from the team.

“Don’t miss the appointment,” Coulson says, dismissing him from his office with a kind smile.

Clint gets up to leave and pockets the card with his appointment information scribbled on it. He’s making his way back towards the elevators when a flash of fake plastic gold catches his eye. It’s new and shiny and he can’t help but go see what it is.

Clint steps around some empty cubes and is surprised to find a smile creeping onto his face as he spies Darcy Lewis, feet on her desk and head bobbing along to the music in her headphones. The golden item sits on her cube wall in front of her, a small trophy cup on top of a plaque. He can’t quite make out the inscription from here and he’s making his way closer to her desk when she turns around suddenly, taser in hand.

“Don’t shoot,” Clint says, arms up with his palms splayed. “It’s just me.” He doesn’t know Darcy that well, but word around SHIELD travels fast and there’s not a single person who doesn’t know she took out Thor with her taser. He doesn’t really want to be next.

“Oh, Agent Hot Arms!” Darcy smiled, taking out her headphones and lowering the taser. “It’s just you. Make some noise next time or something? You super spies are too quiet.”

Clint stares at her for a moment, collecting himself. “Agent...Hot Arms?” he asks her finally. He can see a blush at the tops of her cheeks as she waves him off.

“What can I do for you, Agent Barton?” Darcy asks, shifting in her chair.

Clint begins to speak, then falters again, Darcy’s smile distracting him for a brief moment. “I, uh-” God, he was such an idiot sometimes. “I saw your trophy?” He finishes lamely.

Darcy laughs and the sound goes right to his toes. “Coulson just got it for me today,” she says as she picks up the trophy and hands it to him. _Best Jane Wrangler In The World_ it reads. Clint can’t help but smile; everyone knows that Darcy is primarily employed to ensure Dr. Jane Foster eats and sleeps at regular intervals. She helps Coulson out with paperwork when she can, he thinks, but he’s not entirely sure how she spends her time.

“Congratulations on your, uh, honor.”

“Thanks. I’m very proud. I wrote a speech and everything- want to hear it? Coulson wouldn’t let me say it when he presented the award this morning before the support staff meeting.”

“Do I get to play orchestral music to make you stop if you run long?” He surprised himself by playing right along.

“Nope. It’s the Darcy Show and I get as long as I need to say my piece.”

“Hmmm.... might have to pass. I have to be somewhere tomorrow and I don’t want to be late. Coulson may have some words for me if I was.”

Darcy threw a paperclip at him but was smiling too broadly to have taken any offense. “You’re hilarious.”

“I try,” Clint shrugs. “Listening to anything good lately?” He asks, suddenly desperate to find a way to stretch this conversation, not willing to go back to being alone so soon.

“I doubt you’d know any of the bands I listen to, Old Man,” Darcy laughs.

One corner of Clint’s mouth ticked up in a smile, “You got me,” he says. “I stopped listening to anything new after David Lee Roth left Van Halen.”

Before Darcy can reply a notification pops up on her computer screen. “Shit, Hot Arms, I’ve gotta go. Jane Duty.” She stands up and locks down her computer then turns back to Clint, “Shoulda let me make my speech, I would have made you a CD in exchange. ‘Tunes Worth Hearing since 1985, Barton’s Educational Series’.” She’s down the hall and out of Clint’s view before he realizes he’s smiling full on now,  his first in months.

~*~

Darcy Lewis hadn’t spent much time in the Avengers Tower before she’d been introduced to the full Avengers team. She’d be lying to herself if she said she hadn’t been nervous about that introduction, but she’d survived without making too large of a fool of herself in front of a group of superheroes.

Each of the Avengers stood out to Darcy in their own way. They all had their own idiosyncrasies and Darcy was quick to learn the best ways to get anyone on the team on board with Coulson’s plans. The fact that everyone on the team enjoyed her camaraderie only made that job easier.

Clint, she had noticed in those first few days, was quiet in group settings. He was more likely to sit somewhere stoically listening and watching from above. If she caught him on his own, however, he was always easier going and more talkative. Darcy enjoyed coaxing smiles and laughs out of him, which wasn’t honestly that hard. She would have thought hardened assassins would have had a more refined sense of humor, but apparently, the profession takes all kinds.

The past few times she’d seen Clint around the tower he had been different. She’d noticed he wasn’t as quick to smile or laugh. On the rare occasion when she would turn a corner and catch him by surprise in a hallway she had noted that he was frowning. That alone hadn’t been enough to worry her (much), but Coulson rarely had closed-door meetings with single members of the team and Clint had certainly seemed upset when he left Coulson’s office this afternoon.

Darcy played their most recent conversation back in her head as she made her way down to the lab to force food into Jane. There was nothing spectacularly out of place about it, but something about the way Clint had stuttered over his words, his smile not reaching his eye was bothering her. She wondered what the appointment that he had mentioned was.

Once she had gotten Jane away from the lab and in front of a plate of food, she pulled out the StarkPad Tony had given her and started to look into what Clint and Coulson had met about. Whatever it was, Coulson hadn’t left many clues.

Jane had finished eating and was working on a cup of coffee when Darcy finally found something. Each of the Avengers had their own separate calendar, though she was nearly certain Natasha was the only one to use it. She wasn’t technically supposed to have access to their private calendars, but what Tony and Coulson didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them.

Tomorrow afternoon Clint had an appointment with a Dr. Lily Jerkovic, one of the SHIELD psychiatrists. That at least gave her something to go on. She walked Jane back to the lab before retreating back to her desk to do more digging.

It took another 20 minutes before she found an email that Coulson had sent to Dr. Jerkovic the day after the last Avengers mission asking her to review attached battle analysis on Clint as Captain America had reported him taking unnecessary risks during battle. She hesitated over the attached folder for a moment, before scrolling down to read the rest of the email thread. There was definite risk-taking behavior, a recommendation for suspension from missions for the time being, and a confirmation of the appointment Darcy had already found out about.

She closed out of the email thread without watching the mission videos. Her line may be further out than some peoples, but she was still unwilling to cross it.

~*~

Clint had intended to go back to his room after his meeting with Coulson but his short conversation with Darcy had left him filled with a nervous energy and he needed to work out. He headed down to the gym and was happy to find he had the place to himself to think.

Coulson and Steve were both concerned about him, and he knew it was with good reason. He hadn’t been the same since Loki and he hadn’t been trying to do anything to fix it. Coulson’s threat of suspension was the wake-up call he needed, and whereas he was still plagued with self-loathing and doubt he could already tell he was moving in the right direction.

He left the weight machines and moved on to the simulation area, firing up a battle simulation and challenging himself to as many one-shot ‘kills’ as he could manage. Steve walked in halfway through and joined him in combat, shield flying as they took down imaginary bad guys together.

“Nice job,” Steve said when the simulation was over. It wasn’t explicitly stated, but it was obvious Steve had noticed his lack of hesitation during training. Clint stuffed down the small surge of pride in himself that was welling up and just muttered thanks before heading off to his room.

That night before he fell asleep, he considered what he would tell the doctor tomorrow. He was working on getting better. He knew why he hesitated, but he wasn’t going to let his own depression get in the way of the team’s safety anymore. He’d be willing to keep coming in, just please don’t suspend him. Darcy thinks he’s got hot arms, so there’s some light down in this hole with him.

~*~

It turns out Clint doesn’t have to worry about being suspended before the next battle. The klaxons start blaring at 4:30 am and it’s a mad rush to get into uniform and to the assembly point. Coulson catches his eye, but before he can beckon Clint over to him Steve leans down and says something to the man. Coulson just nods and looks away. Clint is piloting the quinjet to their destination less than 3 minutes later.

The fight happens fast, and Clint doesn’t hesitate once during it. He’s working on taking out the guys aiming for Wanda, feeling pretty good for once, when there’s a sharp pain in his left side. He ignores it and keeps taking aim until his vision goes fuzzy and he realizes he’s having trouble standing. It’s the last thing he realizes before he passes out.

~*~

When he next shifts into awareness, Clint is in the hospital wing of the tower and he is alone. He makes a move to shift to his side, winces at the pain of movement and closes his eyes to focus on catching his breath which is suddenly hard to come by. He’s asleep again in under a minute.

~*~

The next time he wakes up he can feel someone's eyes on him before he opens his own. He remembers what happened the last time he woke up and doesn’t try moving this time, just opens his eyes slowly.

“Hey there, sleepyhead,” he hears Natasha say a little too loudly.

“Nat?” he croaks as he turns his head experimentally towards her. He finds that doesn’t hurt him and tries to breathe a sigh of relief, but finds that hurt him instead. He can’t seem to catch his breath and it’s starting to scare him.

Natasha stands up and brings a giant thermos of water to him, speaking gently as she goes. “An arrow punctured your lung. Wanda is okay. The rest of the team is okay. You went down right as the battle was winding down and they brought you in as fast as they could.”

“That would explain the shortness of breath,” Clint says. “An arrow? Really? That’s my thing.” He wants to be more offended that someone else is out there shooting arrows but he can’t find the energy right now. He’s starting to drift off again when he notices a black shape on the bedside table. He gestures to it and Natasha hands it over. It’s a Walkman straight out of the 80s with a cassette loaded inside. There’s a note taped to the top of it -

_Hot Arms-_

_Fine, you get a free pass for Vol. 1 because you’re injured, but don’t go thinking Vol. 2 will come that easily._

_Darcy_

The cassette inside is labeled Barton’s Educational Series Volume 1, 1985-1989. He can’t help but chuckle, which hurts. Natasha had alerted the staff and before he knows what’s happening, a nurse is giving him morphine and he’s falling asleep again.

~*~

Darcy is not a stranger to mental illness. Her cousin, who she was practically raised with, was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when they were in high school and Darcy learned the ins and outs of depressive moods pretty quickly as a result. And when Thor left Jane was a mess for months. Darcy had sat by Jane patiently and provided comfort and reassurance that things would be okay again the entire time. She wasn’t afraid to do the same for Clint now, she wanted to- the problem was she didn’t know if he would want her comfort.

She’d had a crush on Clint since the first time she saw him in the Tower, back before she knew he was an Avenger. Back when she still figured he was a jack booted thug. Jane had caught her staring after a pair of well-muscled arms and taut behind. It was in the resulting conversation that the nickname Hot Arms was born (though Jane had made a good case for Hot Ass instead).

Once Darcy met Clint and realized there was a sense of humor to go along with the muscles? Well, any hope she’d had of not crushing on an Avenger flew right out the window. Darcy, who’d grown up mousy-haired and unpopular, was no stranger to unrequited crushes so she mostly just kept it to herself. Jane teased her about it mercilessly, but that was just Jane and Darcy knew it wasn’t mean-spirited.

When Clint snuck up on her that day at her desk she’d been well and truly surprised. She called him Hot Arms accidentally and then it was ‘in for a penny in for a pound’ and she was off to the races. Later that day when she learned about the troubles he’s been having, her heart ached for him in a way it hasn’t since she sat with her cousin’s head in her lap or baked cookies for a broken-hearted Jane. She starts and finishes the first of a series of mixtapes she plans to make him and laughs to herself as she digs out the old Walkman her cousin had forced on her when she left town.

The next morning, when she wakes up to the alert that an Avenger has been injured, her first thought is ‘Please not, Thor’ followed immediately by a twist in her gut. Then it’s ‘Not Clint either’. When the next alert comes in that Clint has a punctured lung and will be in the medical wing for the next 24 hours at least, she’s thankful she hadn’t wasted time. Before she brings Jane her morning pop-tarts, Darcy slips into Clint’s hospital room and deposits the Walkman for him to find later.

~*~

The next time he wakes up a nurse summons Agent Coulson immediately and Clint’s fuzzy haze clears. He remembers everything leading up to this battle and fights down a panic.

“Coulson, I know what this must look like,” he says as soon as the man enters the room. He’s got to come up with some way of convincing Coulson not to suspend him from the team; he’s starting to believe the team is the only thing that can save him.

Coulson walks to Clint’s bedside, “Agent Barton, the injuries you sustained during the last mission will require you to take a short medical leave from team activities.”

“Coulson, I-” Clint interrupts but Coulson keeps talking over him.

“Now that you are awake, your evaluation with Dr. Jerkovic will be rescheduled for tomorrow.” Clint goes to interrupt again but Coulson shoots him a look and he shuts up. There’s a pause before he speaks again and this time his tone has changed, it’s softer somehow. “Clint, I reviewed the battle already. I know this wasn’t because you took a risk. That still doesn’t change your previous behavior.”

Clint knows he’s right, but right now he can’t focus on that. The only thing he can think of is the dark voice creeping in at the edges of his mind telling him he’s useless now. All used up. They finally see him for what he is - nothing.


	2. We Found Each Other

Darcy comes to see him the next day on her lunch break, pushing the door opened with her back as she stumbles into the room with her hands full. Clint has to fight the urge to get up and help her, remembering just in time that he’s injured and can’t exert himself. The door swings shut again and Darcy makes her way over to his bedside. 

“Hey there, Hot Arms,” she deposits her things on the table. Clint can make out a lunchbox - Batman, Tony would hate it - and a bag of some sort but he’s still thrown off by her greeting. 

“Why do you call me that? I know you know my name,” he asks and blanches when he realizes how accusatory it sounds. 

Darcy blushes, “Well you took me by surprise the other day and I figured once you already knew about your nickname it wouldn’t hurt to keep using it.” She was hoping he’d let her get away with that answer, but Clint just raises his eyebrow and stays silent. The silence made her uncomfortable and she couldn’t help but to prattle on. “Back when I first got here, before I knew everyone. I saw you passing in the hallway and was staring and Jane noticed a second after you had passed. She asked what I was looking at and…” Darcy trails off covering her flushed face with her hands. 

“Hot Arms,” Clint mutters, finishing for her. He wants to laugh but he knows it will hurt so he focuses on keeping his breathing steady. “Hey, look,” he pauses and waits for Darcy to lower her hands. “I don’t mind if you call me that, but can you not do it in front of the team? Natasha saw your note and she keeps teasing me about it.”

“Oh, God,” Darcy smiles, “Can you imagine Tony? Okay, okay, I can understand your concern. I’ll stop objectifying you in front of the team, Clint.” She says his name pointedly then gestures to her lunch box, “Do you mind if I eat?”

Clint is overcome with the urge to point out that there’s no one else in the room with them and she’s more than welcome to objectify him all she wants, but he’s not quite sure how to make those words come out so he settles for, “No, but only if you tell me what you brought me.” He gestures to the bag on the table.

“Presumptuous. How do you know those aren’t just my gym clothes for later?” Darcy quips back as she begins eating her sandwich. 

Clint blinks for a minute, suddenly unsure of himself again, when some part of his brain supplies the fact that she works and lives in this building just like him. “You live here, Darce. You wouldn’t be dragging your sweaty gym clothes around. Plus,” he sniffs the air gently, “The only thing I can smell is chocolate chip cookies.”

“Fine, you got me. I’m not a Gym Person anyway. I’m more of a nervous baker.” She passes the bag holding the cookies over to him.

Clint lets her finish her sandwich before he asks, “What do you have to be nervous about, exactly?” 

Darcy just blinks at him for a minute before the words come plummeting out of her mouth as though she has no control over them. “The man I have a ridiculous crush on is in the hospital with a punctured lung, duh.” She blushes now, “God, I have to learn to keep my mouth shut around you.”

Her words come tumbling into Clint’s brain slower than she let them out. He’s just beginning to grasp the ‘ridiculous crush’ statement when he can feel the darker parts of him try to flip it around on him, convince him it’s a lie. He knows how ridiculous that is, though, Darcy has been clear as day about how attracted she was to him from the beginning. Clint isn’t sure what it is about Darcy Lewis, but she keeps adding a little bit of light to the hole he’s in and it’s giving him just enough strength to fight back. 

Clint takes a bite of cookie, then says “I don’t know. If you keep making cookies like this, that crush might not be ridiculous after all.” 

She leaves not long after that and the chair at Clint’s bedside is still warm when Dr. Jerkovic enters for their appointment. He’s incredibly grateful that Darcy came to see him when she did, he’s in a much better mood than he had been previously. 

The evaluation goes about as he expected. This isn’t his first go-round with a SHIELD issued doctor so he’s used to the standard questions by now. When she asks what brought on this bout of depression, Clint shudders at the memory of what Loki did to him. He confesses to her about how useless he’s felt since then, how being unable to stop Loki from taking control has made him feel so powerless. 

The doctor stays silent so Clint just continues on. He explains how after Coulson met with him about the pending suspension it occurred to him that if he didn’t have the Avengers, he’d be back to where he was when he’d left the circus. Nowhere to go, nothing to do. How a cute girl with big eyes and a wide smile has confessed that she likes him and that gives him some hope. How during this last battle he’d felt the darkness trying to creep in but fought back and kept Wanda safe. 

At the end of the appointment, Dr. Jerkovic tells him what she’ll tell Coulson.  She thinks he’s okay to fight with the team, but while he is laid up waiting for his lung to heal, he will continue to see her weekly. After that, they would schedule regular appointments as check-ins on his mental state. Before she leaves the room, Dr. Jerkovic hands him her card. “Think of this as a free Hall Pass. We have weekly meetings scheduled, but you can come to me whenever you feel the need. It’s what I’m here for.” Her smile isn’t patronizing and he thinks he might just take her up on the offer. Clint tucks the card away.

~*~

Clint is released from the hospital wing the next day with orders to take it easy. His lung is healing slowly, but surely. The doctor tells him that he’ll likely be unable to participate in missions for at least 4 weeks and as much as Clint hates being inactive, he knows it’s for the best. He can’t walk up a flight of stairs without getting winded, and he knows holding a bow to his swollen chest will not go over well. 

Coulson finds Clint at the multi-level gym the next day leaning against the railing and just watching wistfully as Natasha and Steve spar. Clint’s hands grip the railing and for a moment Coulson worries that he’s going to try and jump down to join the fight, but before he can voice a warning Clint’s hands drop to his sides. 

“What are you doing here, Agent Barton?” Coulson asks him kindly.

Clint takes a shallow sigh, the only kind he can manage right now. “Well, just about all I can do is sleep right now, and I did that all morning. I’m bored, figured I’d come see if I’m missing anything during the team workouts.” He doesn’t mention that sitting idly is just giving more space for the dark voice to grow and he needs something to focus on. He thinks maybe it goes without saying. 

“Come with me,” Coulson says and turns on his heel. Clint is ten paces behind him before Coulson remembers his current ailment and stops to wait for him to catch up. 

An elevator ride later and they are outside Coulson’s office, the bank of mostly-empty cubes in front of them. Clint can spy Darcy’s trophy from where he’s standing and bites back a grin. 

“Miss Lewis,” Coulson calls. Darcy stands up and salutes Coulson in greeting. “You’re familiar, I take it, with Agent Barton’s current medical leave?” When Darcy nods he continues, “Find something for him to do in the afternoons that largely involves sitting.” Coulson is turning to leave when he stops to add, “And don’t let him go near the training levels. I don’t trust him not to try some acrobatics.”

Clint pulls out a chair and sits down in the cube directly in front of Coulson’s office and Darcy just smirks and waits until the elevator doors close all the way before speaking. 

“You’ve clearly never had an office job.” Darcy kicks out the chair at the cubicle next to her, “You never want to take the seat where the boss can see your computer screen, that way they never know if you’re working or just shopping online.”

“I had actually considered that,” Clint says without getting up. “But this desk has a better line of sight, and how do I know you just don’t want me to sit closer to you so you’ll have an easier time objectifying me?” He’s continually surprised at how easy going he feels when she’s around. How easy it is to flirt with her. 

Darcy stands up and makes a show of checking for other people before replying. “Oh, that’s definitely part of my reason, Hot Arms. But most of it is that there’s not actually that much to do here and I don’t want Coulson to figure that out and get rid of me.” 

“Oh, so sitting back there is really just me doing you a favor?” 

Darcy nods and spins the empty chair seat around to face Clint. “Yep. And really, you owe me. For the cookies.”

Clint is already moving to the waiting chair but he pauses before sitting down. “You mean the cookies you made me because you were worried I got shot?” 

“Don’t apply logic here, Hot Arms. Just be a hero and sit next to me.” 

Clint sits down obediently and moves the mouse on the computer in front of him. When it prompts him to log in he turns to Darcy, “Um, Darce?” She raises an eyebrow at him so he continues, “How do I log in, exactly?”

“Jesus, you’ve been living in the Tower for how long and you haven’t used a computer yet? How do you know when you have to be anywhere?”

Clint scoffs, “Isn’t that what JARVIS is for?”

Darcy rolls her eyes before digging in her desk drawer to find her Avengers Initiative Orientation packet. “Here, read through this. It will let you know how to log into the computers.”

The afternoon passes in relative quiet, though Clint does pipe up with interesting ‘facts’ that he would have known if he’d read the orientation packet when he got here (“There’s a 24 hour cafeteria?!”, “We have email?”, and “Wait, JARVIS records everything?” are a few of Darcy’s favorites). 

At 5, Darcy’s computer dings with a reminder that she needs to drag Jane out of the lab for a social outing - a dinner at an actual restaurant with friends that Darcy forces on her once a week. “Okay, Barton,” Darcy says as she stands up. “Time to go. I’m dragging the scientists out to a bar, do you want to join us?”

Clint logs off the computer and considers the offer strongly before realizing just how tired he is. “Next time? I’m not really sure I’m up for leaving the Tower just yet.” Clint pretends not to notice how Darcy’s smile falters and adds, “I’ll see you tomorrow though, right?”

“Same Bat Time, Same Bat Channel!” Darcy calls before she steps into the waiting elevator. 

~*~

It’s two days later and Clint isn’t really sure if spending his time sitting in a cube is better than time spent in front of his TV, but then Darcy smiles and he reconsiders. She wasn’t lying to him when she said there wasn’t much to do. A small packet of pages prints out on the machine behind their desk unit and he scoots over to gather them from the print tray. “Hey, Darcy? Where should these go?”

Darcy reaches a hand out for the papers and considers the text on the cover page. “Level 5, looks like. Ready for a field trip?” She puts the papers in an envelope and folds the brads on top of the flap before standing up. 

Clint stands but protests, “Can’t I take it alone?”

Darcy chuckles, “Sure, you could. But you’d get lost.”

“And you can’t take it alone?” Clint asks her as he pushes in his desk chair and waits for her to gather her key card. ‘

“No, you’d probably wander off to do a flip off a railing somewhere and then Coulson would have my ass,” Darcy smirks. 

“So, I’m forced to go with you?” Clint says, a hand hovering at the small of her back as she presses the elevator call button. 

Darcy laughs, “Just walk 3 paces behind me and stare at my ass like a normal guy. You’ll survive.” At the end of their journey to the back wing of the 5th floor, Clint is trying to hide his rasping breath and Darcy invents a reason for them to pause briefly at the desk of a friend until his breath is under control. 

~*~

At Clint’s next appointment with Dr. Jerkovic, she opens by asking about ‘the cute girl with the smile’ and Clint can’t help but blush a little. He tells her about how he’s working next to Darcy now, and how she doesn’t push him too hard but also doesn’t let him forget that she likes him. Clint tells her how he’s never really had a relationship that wasn’t some sort of fabrication - even he and Natasha had been undercover - and he’s not really sure of himself and that melts into his Avengers related self-esteem issues. He’s surprised when at the end of the appointment Dr. Jerkovic says he should ask Darcy out. “I think she’s good for you,” she adds before she closes the door to her office. 

~*~

“Okay, give it to me straight Hot Arms,” Darcy says to Clint in greeting when he goes to sit next to her one afternoon. “How do I become a Gym Person? Do you know? Is there a secret handshake?”

Clint shrugs out of his jacket and turns to her with a grin. “What exactly are you talking about?”

Darcy lets out an exasperated sigh, “There’s a weekly challenge between the support staff to see who can get the most steps in,” she pulls a device from her hip and shows it to Clint. It’s a Stark branded pedometer of some sort and Clint notices she’s only gotten about 2,000 steps so far. “I need to become a Gym Person who likes exercise before Friday because I hate exercise but I hate Becky in accounting even more. She’s going down, Barton.”

Clint breaks into a wide smile and laughs, “There’s no secret handshake, but there is a special move. My brother taught me when I was little. I thought you knew it already, but I guess I was wrong.”

Darcy clips the pedometer back to her waist and looks at Clint eagerly. “Wait, wait, wait. You’re telling me there’s really a thing I can do that will make it so that I don’t abhor exercising? I can actually become a Gym Person?” Clint chuckles and Darcy continues, “Can you show me?!”

“Check the calendar, do we have anything in the next hour or so?” Clint asks.

“Thor and Jane went to lunch earlier and there’s nothing coming up until this evening,” Darcy replies. 

“Okay, then all we need to do is find somewhere with a decent amount of space.” 

Darcy thinks for a minute before standing up, “Got it!” She grabs her jacket, “C’mon, Hot Arms it’s field trip time.” Clint gets up and follows her obediently to the elevator bay with a smile. 

A few minutes later they’re standing on the seldom-used Avengers semi-outdoor track that takes up half of the tenth floor. “Why exactly couldn’t we have done this in the indoor gym?” Clint asks as he shoves his hands in his jacket pocket. 

One of Darcy’s eyebrows shoots up to her forehead, “You heard Coulson. I’m not allowed to let you near the training levels. You’re too likely to Circus Boy into the action.” 

Clint lets out a huff, “That’s pretty ridiculous, right though? I haven’t been short of breath in days.” He pulls his hands from his pockets and goes to lift his arms above his head, legs splayed and ready to cartwheel down the track when the stitches in his chest pull at the movement and he winces. “Okay, maybe not so ridiculous.”

Darcy pursed her lips, “No shit, Sherlock. And you’re supposed to be teaching me how to be a Gym Person, anyway. Stop trying to show off.”

Clint smiles at her and tries hard to ignore the warmth that fills him at her answering smile. “Right. Gym Person lessons. Okay, stand here,” he points to the starting line on the track and stands to her side. Once she is standing at the ready, he begins to coach her, “Alright, so I want you to move your right foot and right arm forward at the same time.” Darcy’s foot and arm move forward, “Good, okay. Now do the same with your left.” 

Darcy’s focus is so intent that Clint keeps on going. “Right, not bad. Now your right side again? Bigger arm movements, Darce. Now your left?” Darcy is going to move her left arm and leg when she stops dead and turns to him with a glare. 

“Clint Barton,” she points at him, “You lied to me!” 

“Darcy,” Clint laughs, “You didn’t honestly believe you could learn a move and suddenly like exercising, did you?” He still can’t breathe deeply and laughing is not the most comfortable feeling, but he can’t help it. 

Darcy’s eyes sparkle with mirth when she replies, “Well, no. But can’t a girl dream?” Clint just shakes his head at her. “We’re out here anyway, we may as well walk some. Becky has twelve thousand steps on me this week already.”

They’re halfway around the track before Clint speaks again. “You know, you could probably put that thing in the tumbler down in the lab. I’m sure you could get ahead of Becky quickly that way.” 

“I’m not cheating, Hot Arms.”

“Well then, Darcy, it looks like you’re stuck walking with me,” Clint smiles. 

Darcy gets the look on her face that Clint has come to recognize means she’s getting ready to blatantly flirt with him and he ignores the uptick in his heart rate. “Maybe there’s something that can make me like exercise after all.”

"Christ, kid," Clint mutters before he reaches for Darcy. "You make me feel like an early Beatles pop song." He grabs her hand and Darcy does her best not to burst with glee. 

"And when I touch you I feel happy inside," she sings softly as she pulls him along the track. They make it another full loop around before Clint starts having trouble breathing and they have to stop at the bench by the entrance to sit. Their hands stay locked together and Clint’s thumb is rubbing gentle circles on the inside of her wrist. 

Darcy hums in contentment, “So do you think I’m beating Becky yet?” She leans into Clint and rests her head gently on his shoulder, glad she sat on his uninjured side. 

“Ha,” Clint lets out before releasing her hand and putting his arm around her shoulder, drawing her close to him. “Honey, we walked a half a mile,” the pet name slips out of his mouth without consulting his brain and he thinks he knows how Darcy feels sometimes. “If she’s twelve thousand steps ahead of you, you need to make at least twenty-six more laps before you catch up.”

Darcy lets out a long sigh, then looks up at Clint, “Do you think I could sneak it in Steve’s pocket before he goes for a run tonight?”

Clint leans away to glance down at her, “What happened to not cheating?”

“That was before you did the math, Hot Arms.”

Clint can’t help it, he wants nothing more than to lean down and close the gap between them, taking Darcy’s lips in his. A bubble of anxiety rises to the front of his mind before he shoves it aside and leans into her soft lips. The kiss is sweet and when Clint moves away Darcy starts to chase his lips before she realizes what she’s doing. They stay on the bench talking long after Clint’s lungs stopped bothering him, his arm wrapped around her shoulders and fingers in her hair. 

When they get back to their desks, Tony is waiting with a scrap of fabric in his hands. “Barton! Where were you? I’ve been waiting forever.”

“It’s been five minutes, Agent Barton,” JARVIS speaks from the ceiling. 

Tony rolls his eyes as Clint responds, “We were walking on the track. Darcy has it out for Becky the Bitch.”

Tony’s eyes light up in recognition, “Oh the weekly step challenge? Amy, my secretary, just made me buy her a treadmill desk so she can beat Becky too. Anyway..” Tony prattles on to Clint about the fabric he’s holding and Clint is just happy to see him for a few minutes.

~*~

Now that Clint knows about the weekly step challenge, he’s not going to let Darcy forget about it. He had figured that it was just a ruse to get him walking around, but the competition and Becky are very real.

JARVIS lets him know that to beat Becky, Darcy just has to walk eleven thousand steps a day. He figures that roughly two miles on the track, maybe eight laps, should add enough steps to her day. There is no way he can walk the entire time with her, not yet. Still, the doctor had told him he needed to keep moving and the excuse to spend time with Darcy is a win-win. 

“Alright, Lewis,” Clint says as they are making their way back to the elevators from dropping off another mysterious envelope. “You’ve got to walk eight laps around the track every day to beat Becky, so we’ve got to get moving.”

When they get in the elevator, Clint presses the button for the 10th floor and blocks the buttons from Darcy. “You’re the worst,” she says but when the elevator doors close she leans in close and kisses him. 

That first kiss broke the dam, Clint thinks. Neither of them can keep their hands off of each other as soon as they’re anywhere alone. Or as alone as you can get when you live in a tower with an all-seeing AI. He doesn’t mind, not really, except in a battle between making out with Darcy and breathing, his one fully functioning lung is winning out every time. Darcy seems to be infinitely patient, though (“I’m actually kissing you, this is like a wet dream for me,” she says to him when Clint apologizes for not being able to do much more). 

Once they’re at the track, Clint takes Darcy’s hand and starts walking forward. “I figure I made it through two laps yesterday, today I’m going to try for two and a quarter.”

“And I have to walk eight?” Darcy says incredulously. 

“Hey, you’re the one who wants to take Becky down. I’m just telling you what you need to do to achieve it. Besides, you don’t have to walk eight right out of the gate,” Clint smiles. “I figure we can work our way up to it. Yesterday you did two, so today you can do five.”

“Three,” Darcy throws out, a hand on her hip. 

“Four,” Clint counters, “and you’re already halfway through one of them.” 

“God, why do I like you?” Darcy smirks up at him. Clint flexes his arm in front of her and laughs when she says, “Oh, right.”

When they’ve completed two and one-quarter laps around the track, Clint is definitely ready to stop. His lungs hurt and he just wants to sit down, but he’s still got another eighth of a mile to get back to the bench. “Darce,” he says between labored breaths, “keep going. I’ll be waiting for you.” Darcy looks concerned so he adds, “Go, I’ll be fine.” She’s only twenty steps down the track when Clint gives up and sits down where he is. He vaguely regrets not bringing the bulky oxygen system the doctor gave him for emergencies.

Darcy continues around the track but stops when she makes it back around to where he’s sitting to talk to him, “The major benefit of this was that I would get to spend time with you and now I have to walk around alone. It’s boring.”

Clint pushes himself up from the ground and pulls her in for a loose hug. “Operation: Becky Goes Down needs you, Darcy. Keep walking,” he says as he lets her go and gives her a light push down the track. Clint ambles back to the bench at the starting line then pulls his phone from his pocket. 

When Darcy hears her phone ring she’s surprised, and she’s even more surprised when she sees it’s Clint. “If you’re calling to taunt me from your seat on the bench I’m hanging up.”

“Come on, Darcy,” Clint says ignoring her, “just over half a lap to go.”

“Are you seriously calling to offer me words of encouragement right now?” Darcy stops in the track to face him, one hand in the air. 

“Keep walking,” is all Clint says until she starts moving again. “You said you wanted to spend time with me, so I called.”

Darcy laughs, the noise reaching him through the phone and through the air all at once. “You’re something else, Hot Arms.”

“Hey,” he says, changing the subject quickly. “Do you want to watch a movie tonight?” 

“Sit next to you in the dark with your ridiculously hot arm around me? Why did you even ask?”

“Cool, I think Tony managed to get Pacific Rim in, any interest?”

“Do I have any interest in watching aliens destroy a city that isn’t New York? God yes. Are you going to end up being my best boyfriend, Clint Barton?”

Clint smiles, “Well, I don’t know much about my competition, but when I set a target I don’t miss.”

~*~

Being with Darcy was easy, Clint found. She made him laugh and he never felt like he had to try to say the right thing. She likes dumb jokes and 90’s music and him. He couldn’t be happier- until he’s alone in his room at night and the darkness creeps back in. He’s too old for her. She doesn’t actually like him. The team is doing fine without him and they won’t want him back. 

With Dr. Jerkovic’s help, he is figuring out how to combat the darkness. It’s a slow work in progress, though, not the flip of a switch he wishes it could be. When his brain tells him Darcy doesn’t like him, he thinks hard about how forthright she is with him. She’s never once let an opportunity to call him Hot Arms pass her by, and she’s kept her word not to use it when anyone is around which is an excellent point for the Pro-Darcy campaign, he thinks. It would have been an easy way to embarrass him if she wanted to and it’s not like she doesn’t have opportunities. His age and his troubled past didn’t bother her, she had said so point blank. Darcy liked him and he liked her and they were happy together, so the darkness could just shut up. 

Steve and Natasha and Tony have all been stopping by during the day, either in his apartment or at the desk. Steve pretended it was to give him information about the drills he was missing, but after two days he cracked and told him he missed his banter during training and that he never felt like his back was entirely secure without Hawkeye up in rafters. 

Natasha doesn’t have to say anything to him, the fact that she takes time out of her day to spend with him says enough. 

Tony surprises Clint though. The first day he comes to see him, Tony is all a-flutter with designs of a new fabric for Clint’s uniform. It’s body armor, but flexible enough that he won’t have issues moving in it (Tony hopes). A few days later he and Bruce have been working and finally come up with a portable air tank that he can use when he’s having trouble breathing. It quickly replaces the bulky tank and tubes he’s been refusing to use because he doesn’t want to appear weak. 

So when the darkness tells him the team doesn’t want him back, he reminds himself of these things. When it says they don’t care about him he points out that they sure are spending a lot of time hanging around an invalid for people who don’t care. 

It doesn’t always work. Some nights are easier than others. But every morning he wakes up and there’s a message waiting from Darcy - a quick good morning text or a terrible joke she heard or once when he was really lucky (and really needed it, how did she know?), a picture of her smiling in the sunrise. 

~*~

Darcy is coming around the last corner of her sixth and final lap of the day, Clint is on the phone with her after having stopped at the end of the third lap. “Darce?” Clint asks, suddenly. “Do you want to go out to dinner with me tonight?”

Darcy stills for a moment but keeps moving before Clint can admonish her, “Are you sure you’re up for it?”

“Yeah, I asked JARVIS to find a restaurant that was within half a mile of the Tower, I should be able to walk there and back just fine. Anyway, if I can’t we can always call for the Iron Man Express back.”

“Clint, Tony will not Iron Man us home from our first date!” He can see Darcy’s glare from where he’s sitting five feet away. 

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I’ll be fine.” Darcy comes to a stop in front of him and lowers her phone. Clint speaks into the handset while looking up at her, “If you want to go on the date you have to walk another lap.”

Darcy groans as she turns away from him and picks up her phone to her ear again, “I’m going to wear something ridiculously sexy tonight and it’s going to drive you crazy and you will know that it’s payback for this.”

Clint’s low chuckle answers her, “I like how you pretend you have to wear anything special to drive me crazy.” Clint swears he can hear her blush and continues, “What you’re wearing now will be fine, it’s nothing fancy.”

Later that night, when he knocks on her door and she answers wearing a pair of tight-fitting jeans and slim cut flannel shirt unbuttoned to show her cleavage, he steps her backward into her apartment and kisses her passionately for the brief time he can before his lungs protest. “Do you think Tony could build me a new lung?” he asks, head resting on her shoulder as he presses light kisses to her neck. 

Darcy lets out a soft moan when he lingers over her pulse point, “I’m going to really need you to stop doing that if you want to make it to dinner.”

Clint backs away with a sheepish grin, “Who was going to drive who crazy, now?” 

“Asshole,” Darcy laughs as she takes Clint’s hand and leads him out of her apartment.  

It’s the best first date that either of them has ever been on, but neither of them is really surprised about that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Clint mentions and Darcy sings is 'I Want to Hold Your Hand' by The Beatles


	3. He Tried to Cover My Eyes with His Own

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The working title for this chapter was Clint and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Clint wakes up in a cold sweat from what should have been a mid-morning nap but wound up being more like a nightmare. He’s been having fewer of them lately, but they still come and now that he’s not expecting them it feels like they’re even worse. It’s eleven o’clock and he’s still got two hours before he’s supposed to be downstairs in the office which is a shame, he thinks, because he could sure use one of Darcy’s smiles right now. 

He lays in bed and focuses on his breathing, counting out breaths and slowing his heartbeat, and as his mind clears the dark voice creeps up. It’s nothing specific, just a general sense of foreboding and fatigue and the first time he’s felt like wallowing in weeks, really. 

“Fuck it,” he says as he grabs his phone and types out a message to Darcy. “Lunch?” it reads. She sees it and immediately starts replying, the waving dots taunting him. 

“Do you mind if Jane comes? She’s not eaten anything since last night and Thor’s busy so he can’t force her to eat either,” comes Darcy’s reply. 

The message is clear but the dark voice points out what wasn’t said - Thor was off on a mission with the rest of the team and Clint was stuck here, unable to take a deep breath of air without pain. Still, he knows Jane and he’s not about to pass up the chance to see Darcy when he feels so low. “Okay,” he replies. 

“Sweet, see you in 30 minutes,” Darcy answers. 

Clint showers and changes then spends the elevator ride down to the office trying to force himself into a better mood. It doesn’t work. The doors open and he can see the top of Darcy’s head over the low bank of cubes nodding along to whatever she’s listening to. Normally the sight would make him crack a smile, but today he’s just not in the mood. 

“Hey, you ready?” he asks when he reaches her desk. 

Darcy jumps at the noise, “Jesus, Clint, I thought I told you to make more noise?” There’s a smile on her face, but Clint can’t help but internally flinch at the statement. “Give me a minute and I’ll be ready to go.”

When the elevator doors close, Darcy leans close to kiss him like she typically does but she can tell his heart isn’t in it when he presses his lips against her chastely. A spark of worry formed in Darcy’s mind that was only calmed slightly when Clint wrapped his arm around her waist. Darcy noticed the slight frown on Clint’s face as they were walking from the elevator to the lab to collect Jane and is suddenly determined to make him laugh. 

“Hey,” she asks, looking up at him. “What’s Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable?”

“Hmm?” Clint looks at her, waiting for the answer. 

“Barack-olli” Darcy smiles. She’s been saving that joke for a few days, it’s one of her new favorites. Clint huffs out a chuckle but doesn’t react with his usual gusto and Darcy immediately makes some mental changes to her plans for the day. 

Once Jane is settled in the cafeteria with a plate of food and a research paper in front of her, Darcy lets her friend know that she and Clint have to go. Jane barely glances up from the tablet she’s reading from and Darcy wonders idly how Jane even manages to get the salad into her mouth before taking Clint by the hand and leading him out of the first-floor lobby. 

“Where are we going?” he asks her as they walk to the elevator. 

“To the track, where else? You got through three and a half laps yesterday, think you’ve got four in you today?” she asks, keeping her mood light. 

“Hah,” Clint mumbles, “I doubt it but it’s worth a shot.” Darcy remains silent the rest of the way to the track and through the first quarter of the lap. When Clint lets out a long sigh she finally breaks. 

“Hey, are you okay?” her voice belies her worry even as she fights to keep her face and body language nonchalant. 

Clint’s focus breaks from the middle ground as he looks over at her, “Yeah, yeah.” He sighs again. “I’m fine.”

Darcy stops walking then and pulls him around to face her with the hand she has clasped in his. “Clint,” she places a hand on the side of his face and looks into his eyes. “You are not fine. What is going on?” 

Clint’s eyes dart away from her face briefly before they meet hers again. He had wanted so badly for seeing Darcy to alleviate the darkness that had invaded but he had known deep down that it wouldn’t be that easy. A single person, not even Darcy, couldn’t magically wipe away the PTSD and depression he was facing. There really wasn’t anything to do now but tell Darcy about his problems. He hoped she wouldn’t leave him because of how fucked up he was. 

“Can we keep walking?” Clint asks her. “I think it may be easier for me to talk about this if I’m moving.” Darcy drops the hand from his face and rotates forward to continue their walk. “Do you know anything about what happened when Loki came to earth last time?” When Darcy shakes her head no, Clint continues on. “Well, he landed at a SHIELD base where I was standing guard and overpowered the team. His staff it...allows him to take complete control of someone's mind.”

“Like the imperius curse in Harry Potter?” Darcy asks.

Clint considers this for a moment, “Yeah, kind of. But you know how Harry was able to fight back against that?” Darcy hums in agreement so Clint keeps speaking. “I could be wrong, but I’m not sure there’s any fighting against Loki and his staff.”

“Damn,” is all Darcy says, though she squeezes his hand a little tighter for a brief moment. 

“Yeah...Well...God this sucks,” Clint says as he gathers his thoughts. 

“Hey, take your time, I’ll be here.”

Clint lets out another sigh before he begins his story again. “Loki used his staff and enslaved me. He had me stand guard for him, enforce his rules...kill for him.” Darcy is careful to keep her face neutral as she encourages him to keep speaking. “When he was locked up on the helicarrier I led a raid against it to set him free. I helped instigate chaos on board. I worked against the team. Eventually, I started to fight Natasha and she...How did she put it? Did some ‘cognitive recalibration’ by hitting me in the head.”

“Wow,” Darcy says, “I’m so sorry that happened to you.” They’re nearing the starting line and Darcy wonders if Clint wouldn’t like to sit for the rest of the conversation, but he keeps walking right by the bench so she lets it go. 

“I haven’t been whole since then, Darcy.” The pain in Clint’s voice makes Darcy’s heartache for him. “I don’t know that I’ll ever be whole again, not really. It’s like...he took my brain and played with it. Took me out and put something else in and now sometimes I can’t even recognize my thoughts. Or trust them.”

Darcy knows the answer to the question she’s about to ask, but Clint doesn’t know that and she’s grateful to have an opening. “Have you talked to someone about it?”

“Yeah,” Clint stops walking and turns to face Darcy. “It all sort of came to a head right before I got injured. Steve caught me taking some unnecessary risks and brought it to Coulson’s attention. That first day you called me Hot Arms was when Coulson made me an appointment to talk to Dr. Jerkovic. I’ve been seeing her pretty regularly since then, it helps some.”

Darcy hums, “But not today?”

“No, I haven’t seen her today. I just...woke up feeling bad.” Clint abruptly turns and starts walking again. 

“Well, maybe you should see if you can see her this afternoon. There’s nothing going on at the desk that I can’t handle,” Darcy suggests. When Clint remains silent she continues to speak, “Hey, you know you don’t have to be perfectly fine all the time, right? I’ll still be here for you. The team will still be here. You can take your time.” 

Clint nods in response. They remain silent for a few minutes, hand in hand before Darcy speaks up again. “Hey, you made it through four laps today!” They’ve come back around to the starting line and Clint is moving towards the bench. 

“All I have to do is bare my soul and I’m cured?” he tries for humor but comes up a little short. It’s okay, Darcy smiles at him anyway. 

Darcy sits down next to him on the bench, “I’m not going to walk my laps today, Clint.” He starts to protest so she continues on, “I’m going to sit here with you until you feel like you can go back inside and see your doctor.” Clint gives up the protest and pulls her against his chest, thankful to have found someone like her. 

They sit in companionable silence for another few minutes before Clint squeezes her to him tightly then releases her so he can stand. “Come on, let’s go. Dr. Jerkovic said she thinks you’re good for me and I need to go tell her she was right.” Darcy smiles up at him then takes his hand as they walk back to the tower. 

When they’re exiting the elevator at the floor of their office they can see Tony coming out of Coulson’s office and making way towards their two desks. Typically now is when Clint would drop Darcy’s hand - they weren’t hiding their relationship exactly, they just weren’t flaunting it - but today he just squeezed it to get her attention and says, “You should tell Tony that joke you told me earlier.”

“Are you sure? You didn’t seem to think it was funny,” Darcy says, but she’s already gearing up to tell the joke, he can tell. 

“Bad day,” comes his response and then they’re at their desks. “Hey, Tony what’s up?”

Tony turns to look at them, eyes flitting down to their clasped hands before shooting back up to their faces. “Just saying hi, is all. What’s up with you two?”

Clint takes a seat at his desk and pretends to busy himself with logging into the computer while Darcy launches into her joke. “What’s Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable?”

Tony raises an eyebrow at her, apprehensive about where this is going, “I’m not sure.”

“Barack-olli!” Darcy calls out, laughing in earnest at her own joke. 

Tony puts a hand over his face and shakes with silent mirth, “Oh my god that is terrible. That’s...I can’t even be near you two right now.” As he turns to leave he picks his phone out of his pocket and fiddles with some buttons. The handset is to his ear and he’s still in earshot when they hear him say, “Hey, Barry, I’ve got a joke for you.”

Darcy looks over at Clint, her mouth hanging open. “Did that really just happen?” 

Clint is grinning, his first of the day, “Told you it was a good idea.” A few minutes pass in silence as they busy themselves at their computers before Clint turns to look at Darcy. “The doc can see me in a few minutes, so I’m going to head on down. You should probably eat lunch?”

“Go,” Darcy says, “I’ll be fine.” She sounds a little too much like Jane at the moment, but Clint lets it go. 

~*~

Dr. Jerkovic’s office is done in warm tones and soft fabrics and Clint is always thrown off when he walks in from the industrial hallways and living spaces of the Tower. She greets him with a smile, “Welcome, Clint. Please have a seat.”

Clint shuffles to the small couch and fights back the urge to ask her how her day is going, midwestern manners always rearing up when he is nervous. “Hi,” he says as he takes a seat. He knows he’s got no reason to be nervous in this room, and yet Clint can’t stop bouncing his feet. Idly, he wishes Natasha were around as she always managed to still him when he was like this. 

There’s a pause while Dr. Jerkovic gathers a small notebook and sits across from Clint, then looks up at him expectantly, “You wanted to see me?”

Clint nods and lets out a small smile, “You were right about Darcy,” he says. “She does seem to be really good for me.”

“I’m glad to hear that, Clint,” the doctor says gently, “But I suspect that’s not why you asked to meet me today.”

Clint looks down at his hands in his lap and thinks about what he wants to say. After a moment he looks up again, “I had a really bad nightmare this morning. I don’t even really remember what happened in it, I just woke up in a panic around eleven.”

Dr. Jerkovic nods, “Did you practice your breathing?”

“Yes,” Clint says, “And I was able to calm myself down, which I am proud of.” As soon as he says the words he realizes that it’s true, he is proud of himself for being able to calm himself down some this morning. It’s not something he’s been good at in the past and he hadn’t stopped to give himself credit before now. 

“But?” comes the leading question. 

Clint sighs, “But as soon as my heart rate slowed down the darkness took over. It wasn’t anything specific that I was able to logic my way out of,” he adds. “It’s been there all day, though. Just this general sense of awful that I can’t shake. I thought maybe spending some time with Darcy would help.”

“Did it?”

“I mean, I’m here aren’t I?” Clint asks, annoyance creeping into his voice. “Sorry,” he says as soon as he hears his tone. Dr. Jerkovic nods in understanding so Clint continues on, “I told her about Loki.”

One eyebrow raises on the doctor's forehead, “I know you were worried about that. How did she take it?”

“Good, actually. I think. She didn’t really say much, but she listened while I talked and it felt good to tell someone.” Clint pauses as he thinks over their conversation, “She apologized and told me she’d be there for me. She suggested I come talk to you, too.”

“Smart lady,” Dr. Jerkovic smiles. Clint has to bite back his own smile in response. “So what’s the problem, Clint?”

“I still feel awful. I still feel like the world is crashing down. I just want it to stop, is all.”

It’s the doctors turn to sigh this time, “Clint, you do know you’re allowed to have bad days, right?”

“I know,” he says, “But-”

“No, no buts. You can have a bad day. You will have bad days. That’s never going to stop just because you are in therapy or because you have started a new relationship. And you can’t rely on Darcy to make you feel better all the time.” Clint nods, he’s done that before and knows it’s a great way to kill a relationship. 

“So what do I do when I’m having a bad day?” he asks. 

“Give yourself permission to feel the way you feel; accept the feelings as they are and recognize that they are not permanent. Then do whatever is going to make you feel a little better at the time.”

“That’s it?” Clint doesn’t seem to believe a solution can be that easy. 

“Clint, that’s harder than it may seem, but it will help. You can’t beat yourself up for having feelings, it will only start you on a downward spiral that is hard to recover from. I think you know that already, though.” Dr. Jerkovic sets her notepad down on the table beside her signaling the end of their meeting. 

Clint lets out a sigh - if nothing else all this anguish is doing great things for his lung capacity - and stands up. “Thanks,” he says before he leaves to go to the cafeteria and grab a few sandwiches to bring up to the office. 

~*~

“Oh my God, food!” Darcy’s eyes go big when Clint comes out of the elevator with the sandwiches and some chips. 

A small chuckle escapes him, “I told you to go eat,” he says. 

“Yeah, well I was wrapped up in a project so I forgot. Anyway, it seems like you knew that was going to happen,” Darcy reaches out a hand and makes a gimme motion. 

Clint hands over a sandwich and one of the small bags of chips. “What are you working on?”

Darcy unwraps her sandwich, “Secret. Can’t tell you. You don’t have a high enough security clearance, Hot Arms.”

Clint just raises an eyebrow at her, “I’m pretty sure I have a higher security clearance than you do, Darcy.”

“Shhh, it’s still a secret and I’m still not telling.” She takes a bite of the sandwich before asking, “How was your appointment?”

Clint swallows his own bite before responding, “Okay. I have to let myself have bad days.”

Darcy nods, “It’s true, you know.”

“Yeah,” Clint says, “Easier said than done, sometimes, though.” Darcy just nods and eats a potato chip. “I’m also supposed to do whatever would make me happier when I feel bad.”

“Oh?” Darcy asks, “And what would that be?”

Clint gets a sheepish grin on his face, “Well, today, it’s spending more time with you.”

Darcy smiles, “I think we can manage, but I’m going to need at least an hour between when we leave here and dinner, okay?”

“What do you have going on?” Clint asks, curious. 

“Top secret project, remember?” Darcy smiles. “I have some finishing details to work out, but I can come to your place when I’m done?” 

“Sounds good to me,” Clint agrees. When they’ve finished their sandwiches Clint excuses himself for the rest of the afternoon, which is fine by Darcy as she seems to be preoccupied with her project anyway. 

~*~

Darcy doesn’t want to set a precedent - Clint gets injured or is upset and she makes him a mixtape - but music has always been one of the ways she has coped best and it’s the first thing she thinks to turn to. Because the first volume had focused on a solid five year period, Darcy decides that volume 2 should review 1990-1994 and a little bit of dread sets in. 

Even with cutting the decade in half, there’s so much music from the 90s she loves and that she thinks Clint will love too; she spends an hour longer than she planned just narrowing them down to a group of songs she is happy with. The process is difficult because she loves a challenge - the perfect mixtape will flow from one song to another with each song in a carefully chosen spot and she’s gotten it down to a science. 

When she’s finally done with the mix she realizes it’s been an hour since she got home. She shoots a text to Clint, “I’m going to be another ten minutes, but then I promise I will be there and you will have my full attention.” Then she calls out to JARVIS, “Hey J, can you burn volume 2 to a disc for me?”

“You’re abandoning the cassette format, Miss Lewis?”

“The CD started outselling cassettes in 1993. This is an educational series, JARVIS, we’ve got to move with the times. Speaking of, Tony doesn’t happen to have a portable CD player anywhere does he?” Darcy asks as she begins frantically changing. Talking to a machine while she got dressed still felt weird to her, but she knew there were no cameras in the closets or bathrooms of the Tower and she shoved the feeling aside. 

“I do not have that information, but I would be happy to ask Sir for you,” JARVIS offers. 

“No, that’s okay. Just burn the CD for me?” JARVIS replies in the affirmative while Darcy pulls a shirt over her head and then moves to the bathroom to brush her hair and teeth. 

“Miss Lewis, may I send Dummy in with the CD?” 

“Sure thing, J,” Darcy calls as she’s putting on her shoes. The robot enters the room and she retrieves the CD as well as a permanent marker from Dummy’s claws. She uncaps the marker and removes the CD from the case then carefully writes ‘Barton’s Educational Series Volume 2, 1990-1994’. Finally ready, she pulls her phone from her pocket and sets it on the coffee table - anyone who would need her lives in the Tower and JARVIS will let them know if there’s an emergency - then leaves for Clint’s two floors above her. 

When he answers the door his hair is disheveled as though he spent all afternoon sleeping. Which, Darcy reflects, he probably did. “Hey there, sorry I’m late,” Darcy says in greeting. 

“S’okay, come in,” Clint moves out of the doorway and shuffles into the living room of his apartment with Darcy following close behind. 

“I made you something,” Darcy says awkwardly as Clint sits down on the couch. When he looks up at her she hands him the CD and bites her lower lip nervously. 

When Clint reads the title he cracks a small smile, “Just how many volumes of these are there?”

His smile eases Darcy’s nerves so she’s quick to reply, “I don’t know, I haven’t decided yet. Next time you get one it won’t be because you’re injured or you’ve had a bad day - sets a bad precedent.”

“Oh, so expect volume three when we’ve finally had sex then?” Clint smirks.

Darcy wrinkles her nose, “Depends on how good the sex is.”

Clint pats the spot beside him on the couch, “Darce, we’ve already talked about what happens when I set my aim. Are you trying to challenge me?” When Darcy sits next to him he leans forward to gather her legs and pull them into his lap, helping her to turn then wrapping his arm around her shoulder and pulling her close to his chest. 

Darcy can tell that the sleep did Clint well, but there’s still a sadness behind his eyes that isn’t normally there. She leans up and kisses him gently. “Maybe,” she whispers. They spend the next few hours like that, talking or sitting quietly on his couch. Darcy is almost asleep when Clint makes her get up and walks her to the elevator, pressing a kiss to her forehead before he whispers, “Good night.” He doesn’t have nightmares that night and wakes up the next day feeling better than he has in weeks. 


	4. If I Give Myself to You

Breathing gets a little easier for Clint every day which he is increasingly thankful for. Darcy is patient, but making out and groping on the couch is an experience he never got as a teenager in the circus and it’s not one he wants to be having now as a fully grown adult. Once Clint had tried to take things further than making out with her and had to stop before he even got her shirt off. The waiting is driving him crazy, so when Darcy straddles him on his couch one night and leans down to kiss him with her body pressed right against his, he doesn’t push her away like he thinks he should. 

Instead, Clint locks his arms around her waist and snakes a hand up the back of her shirt, fingers moving gently over her soft skin. He’s waiting for the angry struggle from his lungs to start and then Darcy grinds her hips against his lap and he forgets about everything but the feel of her body moving against him. Her shirt is off before he knows it and he breaks away from her mouth to press kisses down her chest. 

“I’ve wanted to do this for so long,” Clint says, breath humming against her skin. He darts his tongue out to trace the line of her bra against her breast and he’s rewarded with a soft moan. Her bra comes off and his face is pressed against the soft pillows of her breasts when the vice grip on his lungs squeezes tighter and he has to lean back and grab the oxygen tank.

Darcy shifts off of his lap and rubs his back softly while Clint struggles for breath. “God, you’re beautiful,” he says into the oxygen mask as he gazes at her longingly. 

“You’re not so bad yourself, Hot Arms,” Darcy says before getting up to collect her bra from where it landed on the coffee table. 

Clint sets the oxygen machine down, “Stay with me tonight?” 

Darcy looks up at him from where she’s standing, arms behind her back as she reclasps her bra, “I don’t have any pajamas.” It’s the only reason she can think of not to stay and she’s fairly certain it’s a terrible excuse. 

Clint just smiles, “You can wear one of my old shirts. Please?” Her smile lets him know she’s going to stay but he puts on a pout to drive it home anyway. 

“Okay,” Darcy replies as she shrugs back into her shirt and goes back to sitting next to Clint on the couch with her legs in his lap, “But my alarm goes off at 5:30 AM, just so you know.”

“That’s fine,” Clint says, pressing a kiss to her shoulder. “I can go back to sleep after you leave. I just..don’t want you to go tonight.” 

“Admit it, you don’t want me to go ever,” Darcy smirks.

“You’re wrong,” Clint says, “I’d much rather have you coming.” He waits for a beat before continuing, “But since we can’t do that yet I’ll take what I can get.”

Later that night when Darcy is beginning to nod off on Clint’s shoulder he kisses her forehead and shakes her gently, “Darce, come on. It’s time for bed.”

Darcy turns further into Clint’s chest and tucks her head underneath his chin, “Okay, goodnight.” One of Clint’s arms moves under her knees, the other arm bracing her back, as he goes to pick her up and bridal carry her to his bedroom. Before he can push himself forward off the couch, Darcy wriggles out of his grasp, “Fiiiine, I’ll get up. Don’t exert yourself too much.”

When they reach his room, Clint is surprised by how quickly Darcy strips out of her jeans. Her shirt follows as Clint rummages in his dresser for one she can wear. When he turns around again she’s standing confidently in only her underwear and really, was she trying to kill him? “Here,” he says, offering her the shirt, eyes lingering over her breasts wantonly. 

A small smile graces Darcy’s face as she tugs the shirt down over her head, “You asked for it, Barton.”

“Hey now,” Clint huffs as he pulls back the covers of the bed, “I asked you to spend the night. You’re the one who decided to do a striptease in front of an invalid who can’t take advantage of the situation.”

“Please,” Darcy laughs, getting in the bed as Clint begins undressing. “If you saw me dance you’d know I would never attempt a striptease.” 

Clint joins her on the bed and calls to JARVIS to turn out the lights. Before they can fade into darkness, Darcy has rolled to his side and tangled her legs with his. Clint brings an arm up around her waist, fingers rubbing the worn hem of the t-shirt at her hip. Her cheek is pressed against the warm skin of his bare chest and Clint drifts to sleep thinking he could get used to this. 

~*~

Someone is holding Clint down, one arm is restrained and he can’t seem to get his legs free either. When he looks around the room he sees Loki at the foot of his bed, staff at the ready. The Avengers are there too, but they’re the ones who are holding him down. He sees Natasha holding his arm and he reacts quickly. He’s got to recalibrate her brain so it breaks Loki’s spell and he needs to do it fast before she can hurt him. Clint takes a deep breath and shoves Natasha aside with all of his strength when a shock of pain jerks him awake. The dream washes away as he gasps for breath, chest heaving.

“Clint, you’re okay,” Darcy is speaking softly to him from the other side of the bed. “I’m going to go get your oxygen from the living room, okay?” She asks him as she makes a move to leave the bed. 

“No,” Clint calls, one arm reaching out to clasp her wrist. “Don’t leave. Just...Give me a minute.” His breathing is still shallow and there’s a sheen of sweat across his forehead. 

Darcy moves in closer to him on the bed. “Hey, hey,” she says, one hand gently cupping his face. “You’re okay. I’m okay. Try and slow down a little.” Darcy is not above counting out the breaths for him, but she wants to give him a chance to get himself under control first. She can see the struggle play out on his face, anxiety and reality warring for control. 

Another moment of heavy breathing passes before Clint speaks again, “Okay...Can you...Oxygen,” the words are clipped as he struggles through breathing and anxiety, “and...water?” He releases her wrist and leans back against the headboard with his eyes closed. It was just a dream. He is okay. Darcy is okay. 

Clint feels the pressure on the bed change as Darcy gets up and goes to retrieve what he’s asked for. He keeps his eyes closed until he feels the bed dip again with her return, then he takes the oxygen from her gratefully. Darcy is rubbing his back and shoulders lightly and he’s thinking about the dream when he rips the oxygen mask away from his face. “Shit, Darcy. Did I shove you? Are you hurt?”

Darcy smiles at him. “No worse for the wear. You didn’t push me that hard. What happened?” she asks him with concern. He pulls the mask back to his face with one hand while his other reaches out to pull gently at her arms to check for bruises. 

When his breath is more even and he’s satisfied that Darcy is unharmed, he lowers the machine and begins to speak. “Loki. He was here and,” Clint pauses to take a sip of water as he feels his heart rate rising again. “He had the team under mind control, Natasha was holding me down and he was coming for me.”

“We’re okay,” Darcy reminds him gently.

Clint turns to look at Darcy’s face, “I’m so sorry I hurt you. I should have known better than to fall asleep with you that close. Dr. Jerkovic said I could expect something like this to happen the first time you stayed over but I just forgot about it because I was so comfortable and you seemed so happy I didn’t want to move you-”

Darcy holds up a hand to the words that are tumbling out of Clint’s mouth. “Stop it,” she says as she presses a finger gently to his lips. “You didn’t hurt me. I’m fine, I promise.”

“But, I-”

“Clint,” Darcy says in a tone that brooks no argument, “You did not hurt me. You did not do anything wrong tonight.” And then because she can still see a hint of panic in his eyes, “You’re okay.”

Clint slumps against the headboard silently as he forces himself to calm down. A few moments pass in relative silence when his eye catches the clock on his nightstand. “Christ, Darcy it’s 5 am. Your alarms going to go off soon and I woke you up like an asshole.” 

Darcy looks into his eyes and can see them darkening as he continues to pile guilt on himself. “Uh uh, mister. Quit it, you do not get to feel bad for being a human who has needs. Okay?” Clint just stares at her so she continues, “Do you really think I’d be upset with you for having a nightmare and needing me?”

Clint looks sheepish, “No, but-”

“We’re going to have to strike that word from your vocabulary if you say it one more time. No  _ buts _ here, Clint. I’m okay, you did not hurt me, and this is certainly not the first or the last time I will wake up before my alarm goes off and just stay awake.” Darcy scoots closer to him and telegraphs her movements down to his chest as he gently wraps an arm around her. “Let’s just lay here quietly until it goes off, okay?”

Clint kisses the top of her head. “You’re too good to me,” he whispers before he lays back and allows himself to enjoy her comfort. Later that day when he joins her at the desk, he’s brought her a large latte which she won’t admit she desperately needed. 

~*~

Four weeks after his injury, Clint has an appointment with the doctor to see if he is able to go back to Avenging full time. When the doctor looks at the wound on Clint’s chest, he has him lift his arms and show his range of motion. “Any pain?” the doctor asks.

“None,” Clint reports, truthfully. 

They x-ray his chest and when the results come back, Clint is nearly vibrating with anticipation. “Well? Can I get back to the team?” he asks.

The doctor considers the x-ray and then holds his stethoscope to Clint’s chest to listen to his breathing. “You can go back to doing light exercises. I’ll provide Captain America with a list of approved activities. Your lung isn’t completely healed yet so I don’t want you running around too much, but you’ll need to work back up to full capacity anyway. Come back in two weeks and we’ll see if we can clear you all the way.”

It’s a Thursday and the team usually goes out on Thursdays if Thor is around (“It’s my day! A day just for me!”), so Tony goes overboard and arranges for a meal and drinks at a circus-themed venue to celebrate Clint’s return to the team. It’s loud and bright and nothing at all like what Clint knows the real circus is like and he loves it just a little more than he should. 

Darcy sits down next to him and Clint spots Tony making eye contact with Steve and nodding his head in their direction. This isn’t that surprising, Tony is a known gossip and he saw Clint and Darcy holding hands weeks ago. The fact that no one on the team has started pestering them about their relationship yet has been a shock. 

Darcy notices the look from Tony as well and leans into Clint’s personal space to whisper, “In for a penny, in for a pound.” Her hand comes to rest lightly on his thigh as Clint moves one arm to lay over her shoulders. A look of approval goes around the table, but before anyone can say anything two servers - dressed as clowns, no less- arrive to get their drink orders. 

Tony gets the attention of one of the clowns, “We’ll have three pitchers of Bearded Ladies and a couple orders of the Big Top Bruschetta,” he says. When the pitchers come out he waits until everyone at the table has a glass before standing and raising his in a toast. 

“To Hawkeye,” Tony starts, “Our very own Circus Boy. Clint, we’ve missed you in the training sessions. You’re the only one who can get close enough to Tasha to take her down.” A laugh goes around the table before everyone clinks their glasses. 

“To Hawkeye,” the majority of the table says while Jane calls, “To Hot Arms.” There’s a brief pause while everyone realizes what Jane has said. Darcy goes bright red and Jane is looking oblivious. 

Tony, the consummate host, recovers first. “And to Darcy,” he called, gathering the table's attention again much to Darcy’s happiness. “Who has finally beaten Becky the Bitch in the weekly step challenge!” 

Darcy gives a small bow from her seat to cover her surprise as everyone calls, “To Darcy!” before drinking from their glasses. Afterward, the conversations break up into smaller groups and Darcy is glad that she doesn’t hear a single person whispering about ‘Hot Arms’. 

“Jane!” Darcy stage whispers to her friend across the table from her. “Why would you call Clint that?!” 

“What?” Jane asks, “You call him that all the time.”

Darcy fights the urge to roll her eyes, “Yes, but I promised him I wouldn’t do it in front of the team, and I’ve actually been very good about that.”

“She has,” Clint interjects, squeezing her shoulder appreciatively. 

“Oh. I’m sorry,” Jane frowns as Clint says, “It’s alright.” The appetizers come out then and Jane is quickly distracted by Thor. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Clint says quietly to Darcy. “The cat’s out of the bag now, and no one seems to be making a big deal about it so let's not make a big deal either.”

“Maybe,” Darcy says as she sets down her empty drink glass, “They’ll all get so drunk they forget.” 

Clint laughs and refills her drink but before he can set down the empty pitcher it’s replaced with another full one. At some point in time, Tony snuck off and spoke with the chef to arrange for what seemed like an endless supply of drinks and meals for the table. The restaurant served an odd assortment of food: Kobe steak served rare on a stick, fried camembert cheese bites, and maple bacon infused funnel cakes to name a few. 

Darcy is finishing her second Bearded Lady and leaning heavily against Clint’s shoulder when Tony pulls up a chair beside her. “Hey, lovebirds,” he says as he refills her glass. 

“Tony,” Clint nods as Darcy waves lazily before suddenly sitting up straight, remembering something. 

“Tony!,” She says, bordering on too loudly. “What did you mean earlier when you said I beat Becky?” Clint is now rapt with attention too. 

“Oh, that,” Tony waves a hand. “JARVIS and I just played around with her pedometer a bit. Nothing too serious, but her steps tomorrow won’t register correctly and I doubt she’ll realize it until it’s too late.”

Darcy blinks at him for a moment, “So you’re saying I won’t have to walk laps tomorrow?”

Tony picks up her drink and pushes it into her hand, “I’m saying you won’t have to get out of bed tomorrow.” He winks before standing up, “Seriously, Darcy. I already talked to Coulson.” Darcy laughs and raises her drink to him before taking a sip and saluting him as he walks away. 

Clint gently takes the drink from her hand. “You shouldn’t drink all of that,” he says quietly into her ear, breath moving across the sensitive skin. 

“Oh?” Darcy asks, turning to face him. “Is that so?” Clint has never seen Darcy tipsy before but he’s definitely enjoying it. Her smiles are a little crooked and she’s less physically reserved than she is when she’s sober. 

“Yes,” he says, pressing a kiss to the top of her cheek. “I have plans for later.”

Darcy raises her eyebrow at him before bursting into a grin. “Okay, Hot Arms,” she says quietly after checking to make sure no one was listening. 

Clint taps her shoulder and she leans back against him. “You know what I’m looking forward to?” he whispers into her ear.

“Hmm?” comes her reply, but he feels it more than he hears it. 

“Pretty soon,” he tucks her hair behind her ear, “I’ll be back to full strength and I’ll be able to show you what I can do with my Hot Arms when we’re in bed.” Darcy bites on her lower lip and Clint knows the flush on her cheeks is traveling down her body now, too.

Dessert is served (deep fried cheesecake bars) and the conversation is beginning to wane, which Clint is thankful for. It’s been a long four weeks recovery and he’s still not in perfect shape, but he’s been doing extra lung exercises every morning and he’s positive he’s well enough to withstand sex with Darcy. Finally. It won’t be the hard, strenuous sex that he is used to, but he’s sure it will be closer to making love than he’s ever done before. 

The limo ride home is uneventful, if loud. Clint keeps his arm around Darcy’s shoulder and his fingers begin to trail small circles over her arm, prickling at her nerves just so. The rest of the team is absorbed in their own conversations, so Clint doesn’t worry about speaking softly into Darcy’s ear. “I can’t wait to get my hands on you,” and Darcy presses her back into his chest. 

She’s impressed with their ability to play it cool in the elevator ride up to the private floors. Clint is holding her hand with his thumb moving across her wrist and Darcy is biting her tongue to keep from moaning. The elevator stops to let them off and as soon as they’ve rounded the corner and are out of sight Clint has his hand on Darcy’s ass. She pushed the door to his apartment opened and Clint follows closely behind. As soon as the door is sealed Clint calls out, “JARVIS, privacy mode please.” 

Darcy can hear the lock click shut in the door and knows that the cameras and recording devices have been silenced. “I’m surprised you know that one,” Darcy smirks before leaning up to kiss him. 

“Well,” Clint says against her lips, “Someone made me read the orientation book.” They don't speak again for a long stretch of time, Darcy is pressed against the wall with her hips flexing forward to meet Clint’s as they kiss. They part and Clint takes a shuddering breath before leaning forward to press kisses to Darcy’s neck. 

“Clint,” Darcy moans, “Are you sure you’re okay for this?”

The noise Clint makes against her skin is predatorial, “More than.” He nips at the sensitive spot above her pulse, “I may need you to do a little more of the work right now, but I promise I will make it worth your while.” 

Each of his words buzzes against Darcy’s skin and sends shivers down her sides. Being patient with Clint’s condition wasn’t difficult, she knew he couldn’t help it. But there was only so much pleasure she could get from her own hands and toys. She’d been dreaming of Clint’s touch for what felt like far too long. 

As though on cue, Clint pulls and Darcy pushes and they stumble down the short hallway to Clint’s bedroom. He tugged at the zipper on the back of her dress - she’d worn one just for the occasion- and his hands follow the fabric down her body gracefully. Darcy’s hands fumble on the buttons of Clint’s shirt as she presses a passionate kiss to his lips, tongue darting out to meet his as his shirt hits the floor. 

Clint moves back, “Hold on,” he pants, “Let me look at you.” He moves backward to the nightstand to grab what Darcy can only assume is a condom. She knows he needs the moment to catch his breath, but the way his eyes gaze at her longingly makes it easy to forget. “Take off your bra?” Clint asks one eyebrow raised as he sits down on the edge of his bed. 

Darcy’s hands shoot to her back to follow the request and a surge of heat rushes to Clint’s groin. Her bra falls off her arms and he takes a moment to appreciate Darcy’s beauty. Her hair is laying in waves across her shoulders and her lips are parted in a soft moan. Her eyes, which are always big and beautiful, are dark with arousal and Clint’s cock twitched in excitement. 

“C’mere,” his breath comes out huskier than he’s heard in a long time. Darcy takes a few steps forward to close the gap between them and Clint’s hand reaches up to tweak a nipple. She moans deep in her throat and Clint realizes he’s never been harder in his life. Distantly, he thinks he’s glad he went commando as he struggles to unbuckle his belt and pants then lifts his hips to tug them down his legs before rolling the condom onto his cock. 

Darcy’s hands fly to his shoulders and she’s about to straddle him before Clint stops her with a hand at her waist. His thumb dips beneath the top of her panties and he can see the shiver of arousal pass through her. He tugs and Darcy shimmies and her panties fall to the floor. It’s not the first time she’s been naked in front of him - they’d been working their way up to this for a week or so now- but it’s the first time he’s let himself appreciate her in full detail and he’s not sure he ever wants to look at anything else again. 

Before he can get too focused (months later, Darcy would call it Bedroom Sniper Vision), Darcy moves forward again and places her legs on either side of his. She moves her knees to the bed and Clint scoots back on instinct. He pushes himself back until he reaches the headboard and then beckons to Darcy to follow him. Her legs settle on either side of his thighs as she leans down over him to capture his lips with hers. 

Clint thrusts his hips up into Darcy’s and they both moan at the contact. She can feel the heat of his groin against hers and _Dear God this is so much better than a toy_. They rut against each other for a few minutes before Darcy lifts up and Clint reaches down to help position himself at her entrance. 

When Darcy sinks down onto him, Clint feels like a part of himself falls back into place. His world shifts and rights itself and it’s all so obvious to him that he starts to laugh. He doesn’t have to be whole, Darcy will love him no matter what and her love will help him to feel whole again. Clint’s hand digs into her hip as he surges up into her and his laugh turns into a moan. 

Darcy leans forward while pressing her hips back against his. Her weight is supported by her arms and Clint can feel her hard nipples brushing against his chest. Clint brings his head forward to kiss her and sucks her lower lip into his mouth once he finds it. His hand reaches up to hold the crown of her head and lungs be damned, he’ll die if it means he can keep kissing her. 

The hand at Darcy’s hip moves down towards her wet folds and Clint’s thumb finds her clit on the first go. “Bullseye,” Darcy moans as his fingers dance a pattern over her hard nub. She’s losing control and writhing against him and Clint can feel himself teetering towards the edge of orgasm himself. They both come hard, grasping at each other as their moans crescendo. 

When the final waves of orgasm have passed through her body, Darcy slumps against Clint’s chest. He shifts and pulls his softening cock out of her then rolls her to her side, one arm wrapping around her waist as the other moves under his head for support. 

“Be straight with me, Clint,” Darcy says quietly, lips moving against his chest. “Will you be offended if ‘Barton’s Educational Mix  Vol. 3, 1995-1999’ isn’t done until tomorrow night?”

Clint’s chest heaves in laughter, “No, of course not. But what’s going to take so long?” His hand is moving gently up and down her back and Darcy is having trouble keeping her eyes opened.

“I’m not planning on moving for another twelve hours. Maybe fourteen,” Darcy mumbles as she kicks the blankets out from under her. 

“Mmm,” Clint kisses the top of her head. “Why don’t we get cleaned up first, then we can start the not moving?” 

~*~

Steve doesn’t let Clint go easy on his exercises, but he sticks strictly within the bounds of what the doctor has allowed. When another two weeks have passed, Clint is cleared to join the team full time and Dr. Jerkovic sends a report to Coulson remarking on his good spirits. Clint still has bad days, but he recognizes that those will pass, just like his nightmares. He’s learned to recognize that his team will be there for him, and more than that, Darcy will be there for him. 

Since his welcome back soiree two weeks ago, Darcy has spent almost every night at Clint’s. She went home one night on principle, but every night since then she’s fallen asleep in his arms and Clint doesn’t dare wake her. 

“You know,” Clint says one morning as Darcy is scrambling to throw clothes on before she rides the elevator to her place to get ready for the day. “You could get a lot more sleep if you just lived here.”

Darcy pauses with her pants around her ankles and looks at Clint, “Are you asking me to move in with you?”

Clint smiles at her, “If Thor moved in with Jane, we could have this floor and they could have Jane’s entire floor.”

“And what,” Darcy asks as she pulls up her jeans, “Would we do with an entire floor of Avengers Tower to ourselves?”

“I don’t know,” Clint shrugs, “Have sex in every room? Anyway, you didn’t answer me.”

Darcy finished dressing and walks up to him, “You never asked me a question, Hot Arms.”

Clint leans in to kiss her briefly before pulling back, “Move in with me?”

Darcy grins, “Okay. But you and your super-friends are moving all my stuff.” She tilts her head up and into Clint’s and kisses him before he can respond. 

A moment passes as they kiss and then Clint squeezes Darcy’s ass so she jumps. “You’ve got to go get ready for work,” he says. “I’ll talk to Steve and Tony and arrange for your things to be moved.”

Darcy backs away from him, “Okay. See you for lunch?”

“You bet,” Clint calls after her as she walks out the door. 


	5. He Made Me Tougher

“Hey, Darce?” Clint calls from the entryway to their apartment. 

“Hey, I thought you were going to the gym?” Darcy asks before pressing a kiss to his cheek. 

Clint tugs on a lock of her hair, “I am, but I want to show you something. Put on some gym clothes and come with me?”

Darcy rolls her eyes, “Ugh, Clint, how many times do we have to go over this. I, Darcy Lewis, am not a Gym Person.”

“Honey, can you just trust me on this? Please? You can come back upstairs after five minutes if you don’t want to stay.” Clint raises his eyebrows and pouts his lips just so and he can see her give in. 

“Fiiiiiiiiine,” Darcy sighs as she turns to go change. “You’re lucky you’re so cute though, you know?”

Clint sits on the couch and waits for Darcy patiently. He smiles at her when she walks out. 

“If this is just an excuse to see me in yoga pants I will kill you,” she says as they make their way to the elevator and Clint passes a hand over her ass. 

“Just wait,” is all he says. He can tell it’s driving her crazy. 

When he opens the doors to the gym Clint chuckles at her wrinkled nose. “You would think Tony would have found a way to eliminate the Gym Smell,” she says, “but nope everywhere you go all gyms smell the same.”

“Five minutes, Darcy,” Clint reminds her, then takes her hand to lead her to a bank of machines. “Here, do you want the treadmill or the elliptical?”

Darcy smirks at him, “What if I want the bike?” she points to the bike off in a corner. 

“Nope, not allowed,” Clint laughs. “Treadmill or elliptical?”

“Treadmill, I guess.”

Clint steps up to one of the machines and presses a few buttons, then waits for Darcy to step on. “There’s a five-minute timer set, you can leave when it goes off if you want.”

Darcy rolls her eyes at him, “I think you can count on it. Is this what you wanted to show me?”

Clint grins at her mischievously, “Start walking, just wait.” He moves away from the row of machines and walks forward to where the free weights are. Clint steps up to the rack and chooses two of the heavier weights, then turns to walk in front of the bank of machines and faces the mirrored wall with his back to Darcy and starts lifting. He can see her face in the mirror when he’s lowering the weights and knows she understands - her eyes are moving from his ass to his arms and her grin is wide. 

“Keep walking, Darcy!” Clint yells at her when he notices she’s stopped walking and is just staring at him. Then he just focuses on the workout and loses himself in the routine. He’s distantly aware of a pair of eyes on him still as he stretches out to cool down. “It’s been more than five minutes,” he says as he catches her eye in the mirror. 

“What do you know,” Darcy grins. “I’m a Gym Person now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story flew out of me in about a weeks time and was so much fun to write. Thank you for the feedback and love, I hope this won't be my last stop in Darcy Land.
> 
> Come say hi to me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/catemonsterq)!


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